Want Better Relationships? Start With Your Words.

Every now and then, Steve and I pull out the Scrabble board. Yup! We’re an exciting couple. (Ha-ha!) We both love words, and it’s relaxing to enjoy a game of Scrabble on a quiet evening.

Beyond being a fun game, your words matter. I’ve been reading through the Old Testament book of Job for the last week or so as part of my journey through the Bible this year. Oh my! Job’s friends were a disaster! Their words were accusatory, advising, and arrogant. They lacked empathy and gentleness. God was not happy with Job’s friends!

What a lesson for you and me! When your friends are hurting, do you spout advice? Are you accusatory? Do you project an image of being “the expert”? Or are you gentle, gracious, and full of empathy?

It’s a good practice to pause and analyze how your words are impacting others and even yourself! Consider what words you speak to others and the tone you use, but also consider what words you speak about others and to yourself in the privacy of your mind.

Solomon wrote that “Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21). Scary thought!

We have an enemy: the accuser. His whole job is to accuse the followers of Christ day and night. When we accuse others, we usurp his role and follow his example. We are called to follow Christ’s example and to speak life to others.

Does this mean you never confront? No. Jesus definitely confronted; however, since you are not completely righteous like Jesus, be very careful how you do this. I don’t know of anyone who has ever changed their behavior because they were scolded. Most people change their behavior in response to love.

What should our words sound like? Here are a few questions to ask yourself:

Are you known for being gentle and gracious or snarky and sarcastic?

Paul wrote, “Let your gentleness be evident to all” (Philippians 4:5). A sense of humor is a wonderful thing, but we must be careful. Our culture values sarcasm. Here’s the thing: sarcasm often hurts others rather than encouraging them.

How do you want to show up in a conversation?

Ah, this is such a great question to consider, but it requires gut-level honesty. Ask yourself: Are you trying to show up as “the expert”? What if, instead, you asked the Holy Spirit to help you develop humility?

A simple way to show up with humility is to switch your focus from fixing someone’s problem to seeking to understand. Learn to listen. People are not looking for someone to fix all their problems; they are most often looking for friends who will empathize. A good rule is to only give advice if you’re asked.

Who can I affirm today?

Most of the people in your life are thirsty for affirmation. Your spouse. Your kids. Your friends. Be intentional about asking the Lord to highlight those who need a little affirmation today. Don’t just gush. Be specific about one quality you can affirm.

The great benefit of being careful with your words is that I can guarantee your relationships will improve. Be intentional with your words, fast from sarcasm this week, focus on listening to understand, and find one person a day to affirm.

Coming this Thursday, a brand-new season of The Connected Mom Podcast, and we are starting with a bang! Our guest this week is Dr. Gary Chapman, and we’re talking about how to figure out your child’s love language so that you can love effectively! Whether your kids are toddlers, teens, or adults, figuring out their love language will help you love them more effectively.

Book clubs are back in full swing! Why not grab a few copies of Friend-Wise and host a book club with a few of your friends?