Understanding Your Child’s Unique Design

with 5 Comments

I loved being a Mom and raising my kids. But, along the way I discovered a dangerous tendency in myself. It was easy to shape my entire identity around being a mom and build my self-worth on how well my kids were performing. In other words, when the kids were behaving well, I felt great about myself as a mom. When the kids were struggling, my self-esteem plunged. Two principles from the book of Ephesians helped me to transform my thinking and re-shape my parenting.


Principle #1 – My kids were made for the praise of God’s glory not for the praise of my glory! (Ephesians 1:12) My kids were designed to bring God glory. While a parent I am able to shape and mold them at the end of the day, I don’t have ownership of them. They belong to God. He designed them to bring honor to Himself and to bear His image not to protect my image as a parent.


I can’t even begin to articulate how freeing this was for me. Did I struggle along the way to remember this truth? Oh yah! But, when I finally began to internalize this it changed my parenting. I was no longer concerned about “looking good” as a Mom. I was concerned about joining God in what He was accomplishing in my child’s life. The days when things weren’t going according to “my plan” as a parent I was able to open my hands and ask God to use the situation to shape my child. As my kids grew into adults, it became easier to “let go” and not interfere because I knew I could trust God. The kids were designed for God’s glory…not mine.


Principle #2 – Each of my kids is a unique poem created by God to do the works He has prepared for them. (Ephesians 2:10) When I internalized this truth I began to realize that I could not impose my plans for my kids on them. I needed to back up and let their uniqueness blossom. Some were artistically wired, some were athletically wired. Some of ours loved being excellent students, others preferred the social aspect of school. Some loved math, some hated math with a passion! Honestly, I can’t tell you how many nights I lay in bed worrying about school performance. Those were wasted moments! I should have just been laying in bed praising God that He was in control of each child’s life.


Friends, it’s easy even when our kids become adults to think we know the perfect plan for their lives. Please hear me, that’s sin! Let go! Your kids have been wired as unique poems to bring God honor. Encourage them as they discover God’s plan for their lives. Cheer them on as they explore different career opportunities. Don’t impose your desires on them – trust God.


Become a student of your child’s unique design. Ask God for wisdom to understand how He has wired them and then praise God for their uniqueness. When you don’t understand, get on your knees and praise God for the wisdom He promises to give. Remember as you raise them and let go, they were not designed for the praise of your glory. They were designed uniquely for the praise of God’s glory!



 Leave a comment and tell me one unique quality you love about your child! I can’t wait to hear from you.






5 Responses

  1. Kari Coppinger
    | Reply

    I love my daughter’s generosity and my son’s interest in how things work.

  2. Donna B.
    | Reply

    You have no idea how I needed to read this today! It is God speaking right to me!!! I am currently raising two teens and one soon to be teen, did not realize when they were little how challenging this season would be. I am so comforted by your perspective, but mostly by God’s truth! Thank you!!!! And I’m currently reading Ephesians too! God promises wisdom just when we need it!

  3. Brenda D. Flowers
    | Reply

    Becky, my friend, Karynthia P., gave me your book yesterday. She had met with you at the recent writer’s and speaker’s conference in Florida and had you write a special note to me. (She and I have been working on a book together. She also has been praying for me and my family.) Thank you so much for writing, “Blessings to you” and for your prayers. I started the 30 day praise challenge today. I know it was not a coincidence that I received your book at this time and found out about your blog. I look forward to our correspondence. God is so good! My son, David, is 33. He is strong willed and determined. He has many interests and likes to read and journal. He loves the Lord. He sees life in unique ways. He is a daddy of two boys (aged 4.8 and 3) and he is expecting his 3rd child in August. Meghan, age 26, my daughter-in-law , is creative and likes to paint, bake, decorate cakes, garden and do building projects. She loves cats. She is determined. My daughter, Catherine, age 30, is sensitive, caring, a deep thinker, vulnerable and very artistic. She loves to dance expressively and paint with vibrant colors. She lives in Brooklyn and works as a nanny and aspiringdancer/teacher with a heart for the hurting. My husband, Eric, age 67, is a hard worker as an environmental engineer. He loves the Lord and often expresses love through acts of service. He and I love times together enjoying God’s creation, traveling when we can and hiking. I am a recently retired special educator. I’m an aspiring writer/speaker. I have always loved to journal during my quiet times. The website I posted is the one on which my local writer’s group posts some of our writings.
    Becky, I love the style of your book, The 30 Day Praise Challenge. I listened to the songs recommended; I prayed the prayer in you book; and I journaled. I am learning to put my full trust in our great God. This year, at the age of 61, God has been teaching me a lot! What you shared in your blog resonated with me. Thank you for the time you spend writing and posting. God bless you, too.

    • BeckyHarling
      | Reply

      Brenda, thank you so much! I love, Karynthia. I’m so glad you’re enjoying the praise challenge book. I am praying for 100,000 people to take the praise challenge in some form because I believe that praising God brings revival. Thanks so much for leaving a comment.

  4. Brenda D. Flowers
    | Reply

    Thank you for replying so quickly. Count me as one of the 100,000 taking your praise challenge.

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