The Hidden Cost of People-Pleasing
When I was a child, I landed the leading role in a play called Caddie Woodlawn. I never expected that as an insecure 12-year-old. The day following the performance, the school newspaper’s headline read, “A Star Is Born!” Wow! For my insecure little soul, that was something! Kids all around the school were applauding my performance. In that moment, a people-pleasing version of myself was born!
The problems with people-pleasing are many. For starters, it’s exhausting. But more than that, it prevents us from living our lives as a love offering to God. Instead of doing all for His glory, we find ourselves unknowingly in competition with Him for the applause.
John the Baptist said, “He must become greater; I must become less” (John 3:30). His words echo those of the Psalmist, who wrote, “Not to us, LORD, not to us but to Your name be the glory, because of Your love and faithfulness” (Psalm 115:1).
Decrease is at the heart of our Lenten journey.
I didn’t grow up practicing Lent. However, in recent years, as I have studied church history, I have come to value the 40 days leading up to Easter. The purpose of Lent is to bring our brokenness to Jesus—to decrease so that Jesus alone might be the star of the show.
Getting affirmation is not wrong. Receiving applause is not inherently wrong. It’s when we become addicted to it—when other people’s opinions are in the driver’s seat of our lives—that we are in trouble. When our hearts long to be the center of attention, we need to take a step back and consider how we are exalting Jesus.
During this season of Lent, I would challenge you to fast from people-pleasing. Here are a couple of practical ways to do that:
Give all the praise to God. When others offer you praise, don’t turn it down or cut yourself down. Instead, in your heart, offer that praise back immediately to the Lord. Bring every praise or affirmation to the feet of Jesus.
Direct your attention to others. There are two types of people in this world. One enters a room, and their presence screams, “Here I am!” The other enters a room and shouts, “There you are.” Seek to be the person who focuses on others. That is one of the best ways to glorify God. He calls us to love others and to be outwardly focused.
Stop competing and comparing. Jesus doesn’t call us to be in competition with others. He calls us to set our hearts on Him and run the race He’s laid out before us (Hebrews 12:1–2).
Friend, during this season of Lent, may I encourage you to fast from people-pleasing and instead focus your attention solely on Christ. As you seek Him as the One and Only, your need for love will be met by Him. You will find you need others’ approval less and less.
Time is running out! If you’ve been praying about joining us in Greece for the life-changing trip Footsteps of Paul and adding on the cruise to explore Ephesus and Patmos, it’s decision time! For all those who are joining us for the cruise portion of the journey, your $500.00 deposit is due. Click on the link and leave your deposit so that the cruise ship knows you’re in.
This week on the Connected Mom Podcast, we are talking about when to let go of a friendship with Carol MacCracken. If you’ve been confused about loving everyone and having everyone be your bestie, this is your podcast.
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