Praising God through the painful journey of Miscarriage

with 4 Comments

Today, I am beyond blessed to have my daughter, Stefanie as my guest blogger.  Stef is an incredible communicator with a deep heart for God.  My prayer is that her thoughts will encourage your heart today.  I will be giving away three copies of The 30 Day Praise Challenge For Parents to several who leave a comment. Please leave a comment and help share this link. Stef’s thoughts  might encourage others who have walked through difficult seasons of loss in the parenting realm.

Many of you heard me share my testimony at the Moms Unleashed conference several weekends ago. I shared about praising God through a miscarriage and what that looked like for me. I talked about praising God as an act of obedience and how often times when we praise through the storm it is a conscious choice that begins in our heads and slowly (very slowly) reaches our hearts. I explained how worship for me was redefined during that season and how I had to literally say things like, “You are good and what You do is good” over and over and over again until the message slowly (again, very slowly) reached the deepest places of my heart.

You heard me share the background behind “Desert Song” by Hillsong and how it related to my story (if you weren’t there, look up the history of the song; it’s powerful). I sang the last line of that song, “This is my prayer in the harvest, when favor and providence flow, I know I’m filled to be emptied again, the seed I receive I will sow” with my hand over my belly.  I mentioned at the end of my testimony that I was 14 weeks pregnant and in a season of both “harvest” and “surrender” as I “celebrated” and “laid down” my new baby before the Lord.

After I shared my testimony, I felt like the Lord was preparing my heart. . . I had a strong feeling that I was going to lose this baby as well. Several days after the event I began to bleed. My husband and I went to the doctor and our precious baby no longer had a heartbeat. We were absolutely devastated. I had surgery the next day and began the grief process once again.

Over the last two weeks I have experienced a full range of emotions: grief, guilt, fear, anger, and deep, deep sorrow. I have cried out to the Lord, “God, I don’t understand Your ways!!!!” And, yet again, He has said , “I know, My Stef, I know. My ways are not your ways, but, will you praise Me. . . still?”

Those first couple of days after surgery I worshipped, wept, and clung to the song, “It is Well With My Soul” by Hillsong Live. And, once again, the Lord taught me something new about worship.

It is a WEAPON.

This time I felt so much more than sadness; I felt livid, not so much at God, but at the evil one. Two days after surgery I was lying on my bed completely overcome with grief, paralyzed by it, even. I had just journaled and was trying to read my Bible and finally gave up and gave in to an ocean of tears, completely overcome. I was listening to “It is Well With My Soul”. I imagined the words as a weapon; a lethal, terrifyingly powerful, weapon.

 “You are the rock on which I stand, by Your grace it is well, my hope is sure in Christ my Savior , it is well with my soul”

The Devil hated my praise to my Father. I stood above him victorious in my angry, hateful, tears against him. The weapon of my praise and surrender to the Father made him cowar. I could literally feel the enemy shrinking as I worshipped my God. Once again, his plan was thwarted. Once again, he lost. I was singing victoriously to my Father while the devil watched with his tail between his legs afraid in the face of the one who redeems.

Does this mean I am at peace? Does this mean I no longer feel sad? No. HECK, no. I feel absolutely devastated at the loss of my precious baby and I fully know that my process of grieving is far from over. BUT, I know that I know that I know, I am VICTORIOUS over the evil one. The Lord has equipped me with the most terrifyingly powerful, lethal weapon imaginable; praise. The devil hates it and I love what he hates. I won’t quit praising my God, He is good, He has always been good.

I will praise you Father. It is well with my soul.

4 Responses

  1. Allie
    | Reply

    I have just been chatting with a friend this morning about my miscarriage that happened 2 years ago. Honestly I wish I had had this mentality then. Thank you for sharing what God has taught you through this horrendously painful event. I now have such a crazy mix of emotions. When I look at my 1 year old I am OVERWHELMED with love and gratitude for him. Then I think-if we hadn’t lost the other precious one so deeply loved, we wouldn’t have my little Yannick David. His name means “God is Gracious” and “Beloved”. God is SO gracious. Even in the miscarriage-His grace carried me through. He is redeeming that horrible time every time someone comes and shares their grief with me, and it can cry with them. He has giving me a new longing for Heaven, and things eternal. He has turned my already pro life stance into a CRAZY pro-life stance. He is SO good, and what He does is good. Sometimes I get angry and think, couldn’t He just have given me Yannick at a different time? If He is sovereign, couldn’t he have kept me from that pain? But then I realize how much more terrifying that would be, if He isn’t also in control of the storms of my life. I have to believe that He is completely sovereign, and completely good. Thank you for these reminders, and for sharing your weapon of praise with us. And I am so so sorry for your loss.

  2. Jen H.
    | Reply

    I am so, so sorry, Stef. That is devastating. I have struggled with infertility and one miscarriage as well. My heart is so sad for you, but thank you so much for sharing your struggle and hope in the Lord. Praying for you and your husband…….

  3. alyssa
    | Reply

    Stef, thank you once again for sharing your story of pain and praise. I am so sorry for your losses and all the pain you have been through. So often I wish the walk of the Christian life was not so hard – for you or any of us. But God is gracious, loving and merciful through all the trials. And because he is faithful, we can trust him and praise him even when we are hurting. Thank you for reminding us all of the powerful weapon of praise.

  4. Jane M.
    | Reply

    I’m so sorry for your loss, yet encouraged by your words! Thank you for sharing!

    In dark times, I’ve been reminded by the Lord of the scripture that describes Jesus as a “man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief” (Is 53:3). That helped me immensely to praise him for what He did, for how He knew sorrow and grief, and for what He was doing behind the scenes to help me get through…..Praying He continues to make Himself known to you this day 🙂

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