The persistent questions that trouble every mother are, “How do I measure up to other mothers, and how do my kids measure up to other kids?”
I polled over fifty women to ask them where they felt the most pressure to perform. The number one answer was motherhood. I understand. As a mother who struggled with perfectionism I put a lot of pressure on myself to be “the perfect Mom” and sometimes put pressure on my kids to be the perfect kids.
Here’s the thing, when we feel insecure in our parenting we begin comparing:
- Your friend’s daughter is potty trained at 18 months. Your child is three and still having accidents!
- Your friend’s son knows all his colors and is only 20 months but your child is not even thinking about colors.
- Your sister’s child was walking at 11 months while your child is 15 months and hasn’t taken a step!!
- Your friend’s teen just got into Harvard and your teen has decided not to go to college.
Here’s the deal. anytime we compare ourselves, or our children to others, it’s a recipe for disaster!
Comparing stirs up Anxiety + Envy + discontentment
The truth is your child is one of a kind unique poetic masterpiece. The Apostle Paul wrote, “For we (and your child) are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10).The Greek word for workmanship is the word from which we get our English word, poem. In other words, your child is a unique, one-of-a-kind poetic masterpiece written by God Himself. In order to fully appreciate your masterpiece and stop comparing, you need to change the recipe.
Recipe for Accepting and Celebrating Your Child
2 heaping cups of love and acceptance (Stop comparing plain and simple. Simply love and accept your child for who he is.)
1 heaping cup of praise and thanksgiving. (Every day thank God, many times a day for the wonderful creation of your child.)
½ Cup of positive and true self talk ( Make a list of your child’s positive qualities and a list of your positive qualities as a parent.)
1/3 Cup of Humor (Don’t take yourself or your child too seriously. Laugh a lot. Your home will be happier!)
A Generous portion of God’s grace over the whole family (God gave us families as a place to practice His love and grace. When it comes down to the gavel (justice) or grace – err on the side of grace because Jesus continually offers you grace!
I’d love to hear from you. Why do you think comparing is such a temptation for Moms? How have you learned to stop comparing?